An Open Letter to the Middle East

To: Israel, Palestine, Lebanon
CC: Bush
Subject: What the fuck is wrong with you people?

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve tried – and I mean really tried – to understand what’s going on over in the Middle East. I’ve read journalists and pundits. I’ve read history. I’ve read analysis after analysis, opinion after opinion. I’ve discussed it on forums and amongst friends.

Despite the considerable mental energy I’ve put into this, I really don’t get it. Well, I mean I understand it well enough – you want to kill each other. But I don’t get it. Your behavior is totally incongruent with any semblence of reason or logic.

In fact, the more I look at this conflict, the less I see a legitimate struggle, and the more I see a bunch of kindergarteners running around a playground with no supervision, getting into fights over who gets to play with the kickball. This whole cycle of violence thing? It sounds like a fancy way of saying “He started it!”. I stopped using that excuse when I was about five.

Grow the fuck up and be the bigger person. Take some damn responsibility for yourselves. Because right now, you’re reprehensible. All of you. Because you’re not a bunch of little kids – you’re adults, at least theoretically. And this stupid, immature whining is causing real misery and real tragedy, ruining real people’s lives. Which, frankly, makes me sick. The Israeli and Lebanese people deserve better from their leaders.

All of you Muslims that don’t think Israel should exist? Too bad. It exists, it’s been there for sixty years, and it’s not going anywhere. Learn to fucking deal with it. Seriously, this whole worldview is simply bizare; have you stopped and thought about it critically for even half a second? Maybe you should start be doing that.

And Israel. Jesus fucking christ, what’s wrong with you? I don’t even know what to say because your actions have been so mind boggling stupid. Putting aside some of your past idiocy for a second, do you seriously see what you’re doing now as any kind of long term solution?

As an atheist, I often wind up in debates where I’m criticisized by believers for treating religion as something doesn’t deserve any serious regard. And you know what? Watching this kind of ugly, irrational, religiously motivated violence isn’t exactly helping me to see it as anything other than a kind of childish idiocy that really doesn’t serve any good purpose in this world. The kind of religious intolerance you’re all (proudly?!) displaying is just about the goddamn stupidest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. You’re all bigotted, ignorant, and stupid. Stop it.

And while much of my criticism falls squarely where it belongs, on the players in the Middle East itself, let me just ask something to my countrymen. Do we really have a foreign policy that’s driven even in small part by a belief in the rapture? Because that puts you in the same league as the idiots above. Holy fuck.

Let me just reiterate something. People are dying. Lives are being destroyed. War is a hell that I can’t imagine and hope I’ll never be able to imagine, much less witness. You’re bringing this on good, innocent people for assinine reasons because you have all the maturity of a two year old throwing a temper tantrum. It’s painful to watch. I want to ring your necks and slap sense into all of you. Unfortunately, all I can do is write this letter in frustration.

I close with the question I opened with. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Signed,
The Great Eric

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