Announcing My Candidacy for the Presidency of the United States

In 2020 anyway, as that’ll be the first election I’m eligible to run in. I figure I’ll need at least fifteen years to build grassroots support for my candidacy though, so I’m getting started on it now.

As your President, I pledge not to d any of the stupid shit that politicians do now, and have been doing for the last fifty years. Yeah, that’s right, I’m not just talking about Bush here – the whole thing has made me sick. It’s so dishonest and so fake that I’ve had enough of it, I think he rest of America has too.

I pledge to bring integrity to the office. No, seriously, I will. Face it – anyone in that office is going to make some mistakes. But I’ll own up to them. You’ll hear me take responsibility and apologize for them. You’ll know exactly what I’ll do to correct the errors and what steps I’ve taken to prevent their recurrence. I’ll learn and adapt.

I’ll surround myself with the very best and brightest people that I can get, irrespective of their ideology or affiliation. In fact, I’ll be more likely to hire someone who I disagree with; someone who knows their shit and can challenge my own ideas about a subject. Which isn’t to say I won’t also look for people I know and who I know I can work with; but qualifications will reign supreme and when I say one of my people do a “Heckuva job” it’ll only be because they in fact did a heckuva job.

I will run the most transparent Administration in history. I will keep a blog explaining all my actions and thought processes. Me. Not a press secretary of political advisor. I intend to have an ongoing conversation with the American people; new technologies have enabled that and it’s about time they get adopted by our Democracy. You’ll know where I am, who I’m talking to, and what I’m working on at all times. The same will go for my whole Administration.

I’ll be candid. As much as possible, I’ll say what I mean and mean what I say. I’ll speak the truth as clearly and concisely as possible, given that the truth is often fuzzier than we’d like. Everything will be laid out on the table, because I respect the American people enough to give them the bad with the good; there’s a downside and upside to every decision the President makes, you deserve to know that.

There will be no room for lobbyists in the White House. Instead, I’ll seek out the people who are affected by the issues under consideration myself. If there’s an issue I’m not considering that I should be, mention it in the comments area of my blog.

On the issues, I’ll listen to you as much as possible. My own views matter far less than the will of the people, and I’ll try to exercise your decisions as much as possible (so long as that will doesn’t infringe on Constitutional law). I won’t ever try to “sell” you on a policy I want to implement.

A few other things you should know. I won’t ever wear a suit and tie to work. They’re stupid. I’ll refuse any royal treatment – I can’t stand that stuff anyway. None of these fancy dinners and honorifics. I am not royalty. I will accept a salary no greater than the median income at that time. In return, I’ll work my ass off for four years. I might take an hour to myself here and there, and try to stick to a six day week to avoid burnout. But given the responsibilities of the job, I think it’s mostly a 24/7 thing.

That’s all for now. As the campaign evolves I’m sure I’ll develop this further, based on feedback from the citizenry.


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